hello summer

for many, summer started a couple of weeks ago. but for me, i shall recognize the start of summer now. mainly for the sole reason that im at home, away from people, kinda to myself. now don't get me wrong...im not emo right now. its just the fact that when i think of summer, i think of lazy days and the last couple of weeks have been anything but. they have been crazy busy. fun filled. just jammed back it seems like. but they have been good. super fun. joyful and very cherish..able? haha. maybe i am emo right now. and its like 330 am. and just lost in spades. but i feel the need to unravel my thoughts. its been a while since my last post. mainly bc ive been busy and had little time. or maybe its bc ive had a lot of things on my mind and yet couldnt figure out how to express them. regardless, i just havent blogged. ive wanted to, but just didnt. so here i am...pretty tired...not really sure what ill write, but writing nonetheless in hopes that i can read this maybe tm or next week and be like..oh..ha. thats what i was thinking.

lets start with...this blog. ive been tempted in recent weeks to change blog sites..mainly with the notion of fitting in. seems like everyone and their moms are getting tumblrs. i was like..ooo everyones joining the tumblr community..i should make one and switch over. then i thought..wtf am i thinking. tumblr is just like blogspot. maybe its got some extra little tidbits or what not..but in the end, its no better than a xanga. i love my xanga btw. but ive started something good w mr blogspot. and i shall stick w blogspotter. join the blogspot community. stick it to tumblr.

bigger things on my mind. last 2 weeks have been memorable. ups and downs for sure, but overall a good memory. 4 years have come and gone. good times. bad times. its had all of it. man..its starting to slowly sink in now. coming home from austin, i feel like i wont see many of the seniors ever again. its quite sad to even come to that realization but i knew that it was something that would most likely happen. now i wont know who ill see and who i wont, but when i think about how ive impacted or have ive been impacted by some people ive known in college, i do feel a sense of regret. not a regret in knowning them per se or just experiencing their personality, but a regret of not laughing more with them. not smiling more with them. not playing grab butt or messing with them. seems like in those 4 years, i always told myself.."oh ill get to laugh w them more"..or "oh ill get to smile w them more"..but truth be told..i told myself that every year and now..i wish i actually did get more laughs and smiles. its a sad truth. i hope next year isnt another year ill tell myself "oh ill get to.." i shall miss the seniors. i shall miss the laughs i did share and the smiles i got to experience. it seriously wont be the same w/o them.

however, i do know i will see some of them in the future. ill get to see where they're living. ill get to see who they've met. and ill get to see how God has molded them. ill get to see all these wonderful things that people dream about in their future after college. i am eager to see some people move on with their lives. eager for some marriages. lets go people. lets get on that! im eager for more laughs and smiles. and hopefully..just hopefully ill get to see God has worked in their lives. and i hope they have that same mentality. i dunno if its like a study or stat or what not, but supposedly (check me if im wrong), many people are the closest and the most faithful to their spiritual walks in college. something like that. itd be a shame for those who've walked in the light in college to quickly tiptoe to the darkness w/o even flinching. for some..i can honestly imagine it. i pray not for it, but my human brain can picture it. i hope the seniors see that this world isnt so great. that theres really not much that the world has to offer thatll satisfy the soul. i say that bc ive been there. growing up...i lived frugally. it wasnt bad. its who i am. but i always imagined myself w some new cars. a nice house. a pretty smoking wife. you know..the works. and in some sense ive kinda tasted or seen that in the real world. in a 3 month internship, i got to ride in some pretty nice rides. i got to see some pretty nice things in the corporate world. but after its all said and done..i didnt go home thinking about cars, houses, women. my salivation was brief. like a 10 min car ride..ooo nice leather. or quick nonhomosexual glance at a guy ...ooo that guy dresses like a baller. short lived. at the end of the day...i was thinking about God. and his will. and what aspect of my spiritual walk was influenced by my day. i could think of all my mishaps. i could think of all my praises. i could think of all my prayers. and it was good. it was real good. i felt quenched of the dryness of my day.

so yah..i hope the seniors get quenched. if not, God help their souls.

ok im getting tired. still got tons on my mind. ill blog later about it. keywords so i know what im thinking. prague. bucketlist.

do not do what is good for the body, but do what is good for the soul. for what is seemingly good for the body might be cancerous to the soul. seriously...some of yall out need to wake up and smell the cancerous roses.

sports sports sports

hmm this blogging thing doesnt seem like a bad idea after all. im always thinking, might as well jot down some thoughts. today was quite the day. church, im softball, im indoor soccer, mavs playoff game. great day w great people.

as the day ends, ive been wrestling with the idea of sports and how it impacts my life. i love sports. i love everything about it. i could watch any sport, at any time, at anywhere if i had to. everything is a sport. there is competition all around me. thats what i love about. i love the competition. i love the adrenaline rush. i love winning. i love trash talking. i love playing on teams. sports is just a beautiful creation. thank you God for sports.

however, ive grown fond of sports throughout the years. most guys would be like..thats okay. youre a guy. thats normal. but for me..i think ive grown too fond of it to the point where sports dictated a lot of my life..mainly my emotions. i looked back at my xanga (haha what a silly thing btw) and man..there were a lot of emotional and angry hate posts about sports (some that are kinda shameful). i can kinda laugh about it now, but in all seriousness, i find it disappointing that i was like that. true, ive grown up and really swallowed a lot of pride when it comes to sports. i try to talk less trash. i try to not let others' trash talk get to me. i try to find other joys whenever something upsetting happens in sports. all these things i try..or have tried..or am trying.

i just hope that years down the line, when im a working class man (maybe with a wife..maybe even kids..thats crazy too btw), i can look back at this post and laugh at myself for even letting sports dictate a little part of my life. don't get me wrong..i am a loyal sports fan. but i want to be a loyal sports fan w/o all the negative baggage. its one thing to be upset at a loss in the sports world, but its another thing to let a loss turn you into a person who has no regard for his own self-respect and the respect of others. i pray to God i may flee far from that person.

in the end..sports is sports. a loss is a loss. frown and move on. there are by far many greater joys in life worth cherishing than sports. i hope i can truly live this out.

God bless

4/23/10

oh yippie another blog

this must be like my 4th blog site yet im not much of a blogger. i am a big thinker tho. the hamster is always running, but i dont seem to write many things down. however it is nice to be able to look back after months/years and see what exactly i was thinking or what was happening in my life.

i just looked back at my old xanga page. wow. i was an interesting guy back then.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

many times i find myself lost..confused..faithless not physically..nor mentally but spirituality its tough to soak in some things in life and other things..i cant quite explain why i do them yes i go to church and truly love every second of it and understand the meaning of most lessons but i still realize this gap a spiritual gap that i feel is gettin larger and larger as each day goes by life is a struggle and i know that but..man..life can just be a pain in the ass and it never seems to go away im not sure why i really writin this i just feel lost and i need you God build me up give me strength give me discipline

i hope ill actually use this blog in the future. not for any type of comical relief, or amazing daily posts, but just what life is like. what im feeling. how im doing. what things in life really got me thinking. what things God is showing me.

ill leave it at that for now.

God is good. has been. praise and glory.