You are the peace that calms my troubled sea

its been a while. my thoughts are overflowing my brain. everytime i wanna write, i just get tired of thinking haha. but its sunday afternoon and i have some time to just relax and be at peace so here i am. week 3 in prague. a fast week. a not-too-shabby week. school has definitely picked up in the sense that we get piled w more work...work that seems a little too much for a study abroad program. or maybe its bc my expectations were low to begin with. regardless, ive endured my first school stress this week following a horrendous tax quiz which i scored the lowest in the class. haha. its stupid bc i read and took notes like no other and yet managed to counter my common sense/logical thinking when it came to the quiz. o well. live and learn. move on.

ive been dealt w other frustrations in life, mainly that of my fall registration and schedule. i thought i had it all planned out last spring. i mean..8 am registration. perfect times. somewhat okay professors. i took 5 mins to get everything i wanted and i went back to bed at peace. turns out...everything is f-ed the f-ed up and well..now my schedule is conflicted since the econ department decided to change all the times of their classes. im forced to scrabble to register in something else and well..its just everything that i could hope against. but in the midst of it, i wonder why things turn out like that and i laid at night and questioned why i even got frustrated with it. im always quick to forget that when times are good, i dont praise God enough for just being favorable and merciful to me. and yet when times are bad, i get all pissy missy w it. tho im not really like rawr rawr rawr w it, i still forgot that God is good...all the time. and well, if my scheduled is messed up..then i have to think positively and carpe diem it. it is what it is and i must seize the day. i even thought of that throughout yday (mainly in concern w USA soccer). but funny how situations just make you forget your beliefs in a split second. i need a tattoo that says carpe the frickin day on my forehead. so yah..i shall move past it and seize this opportunity. my days will be long but i mean, better than having short uneventful days. i look forward to the fall semester. i have so much desires and im anxious to see how life plays out. there are greater things that i forward to than school itself so i need to remind myself of that. may i be faithful in trusting that the future is not written by me, but by someone even more awesome. i await you, fall 2010.

phew. long vent session partly over. part dos.

i am quite homesick. =/. i have realized that europe is beautiful and the scenery is one of a kind, but the lifestyle and the people are just not the same. maybe ive lived in america my whole life. maybe im comfortable w plano and austin and all its amenities. maybe im just too in love w the people and culture back home. but europe seriously isnt that cool. the culture here is different. its not entirely bad, but i just dont see myself living here. ever. first of all, i dont think hospitality is in their vocab. being here makes me miss southern hospitality. i know people say its just a texas thing...that other parts of america arent as hospitable and what not..but from what i have experience here..there arent many people (few i would say) that even know how to smile. everywhere i look, i see people w faces of death. faces that seem so hallow inside. maybe its just how their faces are..i dunno, but there seems to be no joy here. even worse, people just have no sense of desire to connect w each other in a positive way. people just push thro people. people shoot glares at each other. people just yell at each other over petty things. people dont smile. people really just dont give a flip about anyone else than themselves really. i would give examples..but every situation is a case by case. however, ive yet to experience a good case. im hoping the next 2 weeks brings at least 1. for the time being, i miss america. i miss my family and friends. i miss american sports. i miss american food. i miss juice (gahhhh). i miss driving my car. i am excited to travel the rest of europe in a few weeks. like really excited. but im also excited to be at home.

ok i feel like ive whined and moaned a good bit. to my surprise, i did have a good relatively peaceful weekend. stayed in town. saw some places i wouldnt have gotten a chance to. went to the national museum. it was okay. not that spectactular, but it was nice to walk and experience art and science and jazz like that. i went to vysehrad castle grounds. wasnt like a hugehuge castle place, but they had some neat places and a beautiful church. a really nice cemetery where a lot of famous people and like generations of families are buried. however, cemeteries frick the hell outta me. went to the zoo on thurs. i absolutely love zoos. im taking my kids there like every year. to like every zoo in america. i just love love zoos. itll prob be moreso for me. zoos and sea world make me feel like a youngster again. praise God for animal creation. i also went to a ballet. haha i know..not my 1st option in life, but it was interesting. saw "goldilocks." but definitely didnt see any bears. it was about a princess and some dude w his dog. it was different but kinda coolish haha. thats about it. im gonna go enjoy my restful Sunday. all the time, God is good. God is good all the time

i love desiring more.



i love dinosaurs. w a passion.

churches are beautiful

i love being in touch w my inner artfart

currently on my mind: leeland - beautiful lord

been remade

My lips are ready to confess,
But my heart is slow to feel,
And my ways reluctant to amend.
I bring my soul to thee;
Break it, wound it, bend it, mold it.
Unmask to me sin's deformity,
That I may hate it, abhor, flee from it.




mark.7.14-22

currently on my mind: tenth avenue north - you are more

off to buda and pest

the weekend is here. what is upppp. im kinda tired but kinda excited all at the same time. this week in prague has flown by. the first week, everyone was excited to like see every part of the town, but its definitely slowed down this week. i feel pretty comfortable getting around town, knowing some of the culture, paying for things, etc etc. however, school has picked up. ive concluded that school and summer...they just arent meant to be. they just arent compatible. BUT going to school hasnt been half bad. ive actually learned a good amount of accounting. granted one class is straight lecture for 5 hrs where i want to shoot myself. the other one w lendecky is enjoyable and the time flies by. i havent had this much fun doing case studies...EVER. lendecky is by far the coolest professor at UT. hes partly why i joined MPA so i gotta give props where props is due. hes a really cool guy outside of class too. just one of the dudes haha.

but yes, this week hasnt been half bad. i have 3 fulls weeks left. 3 weekend trips left. im sure itll fly by. im heading off to budapest in about 7 hrs. heard some great stuff about it and its really really cheap. prague is cheap, but budapest is like even cheaper. im excited for cheapness. hopefully it wont rain. i do hate rain. we'll see.

highlights of the week.
-being able to wake up on monday and wednesday and go to school early to read. im not a huge reading, but it was really relaxing to just sit and read. and just soak in words for the mind. i dont think ive ever done that during college
-having a nice convo w my mom. it was nice. i enjoyed it =)
-being able to finally fall asleep! success. i figured it out...i cant listen to my ipod at night. guess the music is just so awesome for my brain to shut down.
-successfully did my laundry. finding the laundry room took me a good 10 mins. but alas i have clean underwear. i was down to 1 and i wore one for like 3 days.
-found these chocolate wafer cookie sandwich thing at the store. it is amazing but prob super fatty but it was only like a $1.50. what a great buy
-got my first.......................................spider bite in my life. maybe it was a bad idea to eat nutella and jam on my bed late at night (it was so good btw), but i felt this little tickle on my leg and i slapped at it and like...cupped a freaking spider. then i started panicing and was like omgomgomgomgomg. but so far im okay. a classmate got bit too and was like messed up in class so he got drugs. i hope my body can take it.

but i did end up finding the dead spider after i flicked it away. i wouldnt have killed him if he didnt bite me..but he did. sorry mr spider but thats what you get.

budapest, here i come!


no dryers here. not a problem

MEGA DUO

i shall name you "bitey"

currently on my mind: jason morant & abby merkel - love song

stale bread, nutella, and ham

ive been requested by my brother to blog more. seems i dont write enough. im actually more confident that he wants me keep up w my travels and stories more regularly since he has that much free time at work. correct me if im wrong brother dear? haha but ill try not to get too deep and just blog bout my days. so yah. im sitting on a sunday eating stale bread. nutella. and ham. deadly combination

last weekend. south bohemia. rich in czech history. i thought it be all like voodoo bohemiahemia-ish but really its like..the south. haha just like..kinda plain and parallel to hickish people from the states. they are very old school. bus ride there was terrible. for reason, i still cant sleep here in prague. maybe its bc i sleep too late (sorry mom). or maybe bc the sun still rises at 4 fricking am. or maybe bc the birds rise when the sun rises. i dunno. it takes me 45min-1hr to fall asleep. and trust me..ive thought about everything in life. gone thro this and that dream. counted sheep. i think i counted hamsters the other night. like the really fat cute ones. no dice. pray for good rest.

right..we saw a castle 1st day. couldnt take pics so that was super lame. castles are amazing. so cool to see all the rooms and like what they were used for and stuff. and like not just living rooms and dining rooms but like really bizarre small things like..changing room. or waiting room. or serving room. thats why theyre so big. they got rooms for everything. when im king, id have a "thinking" room. it just have a huge pillow. and maybe some fruit snacks. but yah. super cool designs. too bad i couldnt take pics. i did however sneak some pics of the armory and weapons. that stuff was legit. straight deadly force..killing..people.

then we went on a boat ride. it was stupid. really stupid. best part of the trip was dinner saturday night. it was free first of yall (thanks ciber). but the meal was excellent. 1st time having deer and wild boar. dessert was excellent. yum. then we slept at like some old communist dorm block. i felt like i was in prison.

next day. graphite mine tour! super coool bc of the super cool outfits. haha tour was a little interesting. B-. then we rafted down a river in a small town. it was super awesome. like just straight chilling on a raft. catching some sun. catching some branches. catching some rapids. catching some beer and burger on the way. super awesome. pants got soaked tho. soaked the rest of the day. felt like i wet myself like on repeat. its a nasty feeling.

then another castle. i totally snuck pics bc i couldnt bare the "no photos of awesome castles" rule. its ok. i didnt use flash so everything is still preserved. =). no worries.

came home. world cup action usa vs england. good game. i feel like we could have played better. good for timmy howard to step up and do his thing. gold star for him. not sure what to think of englands goalkeep. i feel bad..but...i dont...in a way. but playing goalie the last couple of years, i can somewhat sympathize. the position is the last line. a lot of pressure at times just to perform well. i think people just expect you to be 100%. thatd be ridiculous if you were even like 75%. its not like a striker is expected to score on every shot. most shots dont even arent on goal. yet the goalie is just expected. but yah, im glad he choked. im feeling good bout making it past group play. i also love europeans and soccer. they love this crap. just straight up engulf it. its a crazy experience to be in europe. i mean..czech's not even in the world cup but people eat it up like me eating my stale sandwich. nomnomnom.

other news. im officially down to 6 korunas. thats like...$.30. haha. i have no money and my debit card was rejected. so...hence me eating my stale bread sandwich. but having no money does allow me to really cherish and thank God for having money in the states. people got cash. people got credit. people got it good. when youre really poor like..6 kc poor, you really appreciate the comfort of having money. i mean...i was in line at the store w 2 bars of soap and then i realized.."f me..i dont have enough money. each bar was 9 kc ($.43). i had 16 kc =/. so i goodbye 1 bar of soap. i will cherish this bar of soap. none will go to waste. life lesson learned.

ok i finished my sandwich. it was dry. but i am satisfied. i got skype today to call BofA. what a genius program. i am officially w the skype hipness. sweet. cant wait to veg out tonight and just relax. chat. read. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. may God bless this week w new experiences and new blessings. i miss back home. i miss seeing family and friends. i love desiring more life and more experience. til then. peace out player player



currently on my mind: sanctus real - these things take time (acoustic)

1st week in prague

call me a homebody, but i think the most relaxing parts of my day are when i get to home at night and just sit on my bed w my laptop and just reflect about my day. my days have been fun-filled and eventful, but i find the most peace just sitting and thinking. maybe i think too much. o well. i am me.

1st week is almost over kinda. im in class for only 4 days outta the week so tm is like a friday. its gone by fast. its been blessed tho. ive seen God at work. ive seen myself be challenged and ive seen opportunities where i need to act more and stop being so lowkey (or how many people say..being "asian"). i feel like asians get a bad rep bc we're passive. well truth be told...im passive in many incidents. these last few days, ive experienced different cultures in a sense. the prague culture (given) but also the white american culture. ive lived in an asian, christian bubble for the past 4 years. i love it. its encouraging. but its only a small speck of the diversity and personalities out there. i had so much anxiety leading up to this trip mainly bc....man when was the last time i really got out of my comfortable, fluffy, happy bubble. in other words, i was scared to interact w white people. i dont mean to sound racist..im really not. but its been like 8 yrs since ive been in community w the caucasian race. i must say that they have exceeded any expectation and many have really shown me that...God's people are truly created to be in relationship w one another. its amazing. small gestures. small conversations. small initiations w me from them. ive truly appreciated the people ive met. ive been encouraged by their intentionality. it has made this week enjoyable. for instance, i kinda live away from everyone. they all live in building d w suites connected. i live in building e in a double-bed room. last night, im in my room..kinda lonely haha kinda away from everyone bc i really dont know what people are up to and where they are. knock on the door. oh hello there. 2 girls i had recently met are like..you need to get out of your room. lets go. get get get get. at first im like...man..i havent showered..im sitting talking to people..i feel "comfortable." but of course, they drag me out to the local pub. best 4 hrs in a drinking atmosphere ive been in ever. much different from 6th in austin (where i feel like the majority of people go just to get hammered). pubs are so much more chill and people have a grand time just chatting and joking around. and its a treat. i met a good amt of people just so willing to spring up any conversations from all walks of life. its great to hear people's stories, tell people mine, and just laugh at silly things in the world. what an experience. started from a blessed gesture. or even small things to me really show me the beauty of people and how they influence emotions and attitudes. like this morning. im waiting for the tram to go to school. kinda standing there alone bc i just missed the last one. a group of people are walking up to the tram and one girl just so happens to catch my eye and she has a very enthusiastic smile and waved at me. i was kinda like..whoa..hello too. how can i not smile? how can i not feel loved in a small sense? how can such a small gesture make me feel welcomed? the people ive met have been so loving and intentional and its really welcoming. im sure they could all tell..man this guy doesnt know many people. but they dont just stand there and ignore me. they find instances to interact w me. they invite me to things. they keep asking me to go on their weekend trips. they get excited to be in community. like...really excited haha. i sit here and wonder..wow. im apart of a fellowship at UT. a large fellowship. and yet i hear the unwelcomeness that people take away from experiencing the fellowship. sure...everyone's different. everyone's personality is different. i know i know. but what if...our joy and our love would just pour out w a smile and a wave just to say "hey! i acknowledge your presence and for that i am smiling." i would like to be apart of that. i would like to see that. im sure she wasnt planning it...like oh..i see andrew. we kinda met last night. im gonna plan for a big wave. she was like. andrew! *wave* (i mean..i dunno. maybe?). but i still hope i can love like that. love w/o thinking. no planning. no nothing. just be so in love w loving people that its natural. i need to work on that. stop thinking. just love. thats a good concept to hold onto.

ok that was too deep. so far...i walked the town the first day i got there. i went on a 4 hr walking tour of the town the other day w my group and we ended up at prague castle. it was the longest walk of my college career. goodness. but i saw some awesome things in prague. some small nooks and our tour guide was wonderful. so much rich history and stories. i love it. i took a lot of pictures, but i couldnt tell you much bout each building now. but prague castle is one of a kind. its beautiful. i love castles. they are so unreal. the architecture is astonishing and the intricacies are so detailed. people's talents amaze me. esp like back in the day w/o awesome technology and techniques and what not. like they were still legit. thank you God for talented people. but yes...i saw prague castle earlier tonight too. its beautiful during the day but at night..it is just gorgeous. so peaceful. i was in awe just to stand in one of the courtyards and look at the highest point. too bad i didnt have my camera.

im going to south bohemia this weekend. suppose to see some more castles and mroe rich culture of czech. im excited. i hope to grow my relationships w people. ive truly enjoyed some of their personalities. they are like peppy...sometimes super peppy, but in the end, they bring a smile to my face. i mean...man.. smiles really make the world better.

my facebook is the sucks right now. my uploading of pictures keeps failing. i can like upload 3 so far and they arent cool. please work tm. ill leave w this note...






currently on my mind: aaron ivey.amos story

Co je dobré Moji drazí Američané

"whats good my fellow americans?" thats what my title says. i just used an eng/czech translator site. czech is way to hard to pick up. i can barely say please and thank you. im more of a smiler and a head nodder. it seems to get the job done =). but anyways..HELLO FROM PRAGUE. or how the natives say..PRAHA..ha..ha....ha. but yes. i am here and alive. praise God like seriously. he is good. no doubt about that. as i sit here in my dorm room bed in the dark w the connecting kitchen door cracked open w light (for those who need a vivid picture..oh im also half naked for those who want a more vivid one), i must praise the God i believe to be the creator, provider, and comforter of my life. so much anxiety leading up to this trip and this experience and yet God has seemed to meet every one headon and say.."andrew..i got you. no worries." im feeling good bout this trip. im feeling uncomfortable in a sense, but knowing that me and God are gonna do it big in czech. we got lots of catching up to do, but we're gonna get it done. i like that feeling.

so these 1st 2 days have been good, if not great. lets start w friday june 4. after a night of frantic packing, some good conversation, and little rest, im off to the airport w my parents. my mom accompanies me all around the airport. shes a great mom. a mom that guards, advises, and a constant reminder of things. kinda to the point where im stressed out before i leave. but it was good and i am thankful. i got a connecting to chicago ohare. flight was alright. sat window. takeoff was kinda nerve racking so i ended up passing out. woke up to some awesome looking clouds. just straight up amazing and a work of art. looked like stepping stones. in the midst i imagine what it was like to be God and just roll around in those clouds and chill. it must be awesome. landed. kinda harshly actually. i give the pilot a 5 out of 10. anyways. ohare. ate mcds. called mom. peed. off to london via virgin atlantic! i must say..the british accents are kinda overused and made fun of but..it is pleasant to the ear when youre traveling abroad. virgin crew were super nice and polite (some kinda cute) w killer accents. the flight provided a nice blanket, pillow, some socks, toothbrush/paste, and a tv thingy. i was kinda impressed but im sure most airlines have it. i watched the blindside on the trip. after all those rave reviews i get from friends...i did like it. i enjoyed it. loved big mike and his character. i am a huge sandra bullock fan now. maybe i just liked her character a lot. a strong, vibrant woman w a huge heart and some looks to die for. ever girl should aspire to be like her character. anyways, sleeping on the plane was super uncomfortable..i slept for like 2 hrs maybe. no bueno. by the time i got to london it was 8am local and like 2 am usa time so i was starting to get tired. heathrow is huge and very beautifully structured. reminds me of irobot haha. the subway rail is super awesome too. so smooth and sophisticated. very easy to get around. i ran back and forth tho trying to change my return flight w no success. im hoping ill succeed by july. i ended up traveling to london w a new mpa friend (casey) shes a soccer player at ut and really easy to talk to. not only was our flight to london fast and super smooth (a 9.5 fo sho), but i got my own row of seats and a nice nap. go brit tish airways! im glad i had a newfound friend w me when i arrived bc getting around the airport was like...w..t..frick. it almost seemed deserted too. a lot of things were closed. there were like a handful of people. but we shared a van w some other bhp finance people (studying as well) and arrived to our dorms. dorms are okay. very ikea like. check my fb later for pics. but downfalls include no microwave, no wireless internet, terrible room setup, useless blinds haha, no ac thermostat. some cool things include new furniture (go ikea), my bed and pillow (amazing), clean bathroom, some silverware, netural smell (no jester here). its pleasant. my roommate (james haha how ironic) is pretty chill too. he slept a lot the 1st day. anyways, i checked in, showered and i was out and about. pretty much casey and i were like the only mpa people in the dorms. all the other mpa-ers were out i guess. bhp people kept to themselves so casey and i were like..lets czech out the city. we get a tram pass and we're off. prague is cool bc everything feels so connected. cars dont dominate downtown. its all trams or people walking. you can get around anywhere on a tram. we get off near the center of town just start walking. like..walk.walk.walk.walk.walk. no map, no nothing haha. we just started walking and taking pictures of whatever we saw. the architecture of the city is unique. everything is like compressed together but like 15 stories high. like EVERYWHERE. but the cool thing is that each building is styled differently. so its like compressed but like super eccentric. its like if were you were taking gummy bears and smash them together. all still gummy bears, but w nice mix of color and stuff. its pretty cool. each street has like a million streets that branch off it. its like a huge maze. and there are like NO street signs at all. people just know i guess. we ended just walking down any street we saw cool. weaved in and out of places, looking for the coolest places to take pictures. we ended aroudn the charles bridge which overseas the vltava river which runs thro the city. it was quite beautiful. we ended up walking bak in random directions to this awesome square/center. there were some statues and random street performers w restaraunts on the edge. we ended up just sitting and grabbing dinner. it was kinda romantic in a platonic way haha. great for couples tho. the sun goes down super late too. around 9pm. we ate til round 930 then and we started headed back. its crazy how fast people disperse. walking back was very empty. people were gone all of sudden. it started to get kinda scary bc we had no idea where we were and people kept eyeing us. maybe casey was good looking..or maybe i was? haha it was prob bc it was like an asian guy w an american white girl haha i dunno. but we figured out how to find the right tram back so praise God some more. got back and didnt have internet. so i was like..maybe ill upload some pics or watch some lost. my adapter thing didnt have the 3 prongs for my laptop charger so i tried to borrow my roommate who was still sleeping..but like..it didnt really work and i didnt want to break it so i went to bed.

day 2. woke up at 5am w the sun shining bright. first instinct was like.."is it noon already...5 am?! wtmonkeys" (pass out). did this a couple times. woke up at 3 pm. woot. 14 hrs of sleep. went to the local grocery store. got some fruit to make mamma proud. some bread/meat. nutella (which ive never ever bought in the usa. but was like..this feels like home haha). and some manzana lift (feels like...mexico i guess?). made a sandwich. had orientation w the rest of the group. i can definitely feel the cliques in the group. its okay tho. im gonna break them all up. haha or try. we'll see. found an ethernet cable and INTERNET FTW! i felt at peace =). it was good to see my email. my mom writes the funniest emails. i just got her a gmail so we could vchat while in prague. first email wrote "hell, Andrew // is mom. i already open g-mail waiting for you. you chat with your friends. when you finish you can call me . i sleep in your room." isnt that adorable. =) in a later one, she used an emoticon, which i proudly taught her. it was epic. but yah, ended having some good convos so thank you americans for checking up on me and keeping me sane. called my mom. it was good to her. yay mom. ate dinner w my roommate which was pretty eventful. good convo. learned a lot and was just amazed at people's life stories and what not. had a pretty good dinner at a local pub. beer was surprisingly good. food was good. waitresses were nice w us. and it wasnt too expensive. beers are super cheap here. got a tall one for like a buck. i got a feeling ill be eating at this pub a lot since its so close and cheap and good. and so here i am...at home..online. the life i love =D.

i enjoy blogging. it lets me unravel my thoughts and hold onto some memories that i might have just overlooked. good times so far. God is so good. im really looking forward to studying and traveling. cant wait til james and charles get here. then we can be that clique. watch out europe.

ok time to leave myself w some likes. dislikes. and some photography =)
----likes (so far)----
-czech money. rolling around hundred kc bills, even a thousand kc bill feels kinda cool. but its really like only have $10 bills haha. 21kc = 1 usd
-new found friends. yay casey and james (and some other bhp peeps)
-walking around town. its so chill and casual. i wish american cities were more like that
-my bed and pillow. like seriously. we get free linen changes each week too. no more semesterly cleanings
-this is for chow. the women here are gorgeous (for the most part). everytime i see a good looking one, i think of you.
-trams are pretty sweet
-czech people dont seem to hate americans. well not asian americans.

---dislikes (so far)---
-czech money. us bills are still easier to use. and dividing by 21 takes time
-european air. people smoke a lot. bad air clogs my nose. =cant breathe, nasty looking boogers, snoring (sorry james)
-time difference. 7 hrs ahead. people..get on earlier. k thanks
-phone. no data. limited app use. czech num: 00420773454763. call me. itll be worth the $50 bill. trust me.
-lack of wifi areas. maybe i need to look harder
-group cliques
-you have to pay for a lot of amenities like the bathroom (in public)
(UPDATED)
-early morning sunrise making me not fall back asleep at 530 am...=/
-NO water fountains.....seriously?
-lack of ac appliances. its all natural air in the praha

may the list continue. ok now for my visual senses.


me on the charles bridge

my view from the dinner table


currently on my mind: tenth avenue north.you are more

See You America

ever since i was small, my parents and i would always say "see you" instead of "goodbye" bc goodbye meant forever in a sense to my rents and see you was temporary. so we'd always catch ourselves and say..oops see you see you see you. like..my rents would say it bout 50 times. thats funny how thats kinda stuck around for my whole life. but yes..."see you" america. i shall miss you the next 2 months.

so i leave the country in 2 days. friday 135 pm to be exact. well...i leave dallas then..then off to chicago..then to london..then to prague. so i guess ill be hitting the atlantic around 8pm or something. anyways..as the days draw near, my anxiety draws greater. like a lot greater. last few days have been super chill at home and ive just been thinking. just sitting. and thinking. and yah..its been a tale of 2 cities. im really nervous and scared but yet im pretty stoked and excited for this opportunity. i havent been on a plane since hs and i think one of my biggest fears is dying in a plane crash so...i really hope that doesnt happen haha. i dont think ill be a big fan of airport crowdedness neither. itll be an experience for sure. its a scary thought to enter a foreign territory. i could research all i want and i could ask as many people for advice, but until im there, ill never be sure what ill experience...so yah..im scared. its like 1st day of kindergarten. when you stand there and your mom is there and all these kids are there. i dont remember if i bolted and gave my mom the peaceout sign or if i stood next to her and clutched onto her leg, but im pretty sure ill give my mom a huge, awesome hug before i depart bc to be honest...theres a lot of craziness that could happen overseas. so in a way, im kinda fearful of my life over there. but i dont want to entertain anymore thoughts of disaster and crazy occurances but..i mean..im a realist. i fantansize bout lots of things, but in the end...im real w it. plus i doubt like its no one's business.

but onward to my excitement. i have longed to see europe ever since middle school i think. i have longed to see the beauty of the european land and its culture and its buildings and its people. i dont think my excitement for that will hit until i touch down in london on saturday. sure london might be very similar to america, but i know prague wont. i mean..i can only say hello in czech. america will be history in my mind. ill have to be a native...asian...czech haha. im sure ill stick out like no other but im gonna try and embrace it. i hope to see myself encouraged to branch out and experience this culture..like try and talk to people there..try to understand their customs there...just be one w them. i really hope im not a debbie downer and a big whiner there. theres always a couple in a group that will become like that and just complain complain complain. please..please dont let it be me. i want to just live life freely and with a blessed heart and take it as it comes. my biggest excitement/fear is my program im going with. theres like 30+ people going..and i know NO ONE. well kinda 1 girl..but when i looked thro all the fb's of the people going (we set up a group..i didnt stalk all of them with my own resources)..every person had her as a mutual friend so she knows like everyone and their moms..and prob their dads. but yah. i know no one. so im really excited to see what God has in store. i might get along w no one. i might get along w a good few...but im praying that God will really show me what it looks like to love people. God's will not mine. i know God will do wonders in His ways. right now..im just anxious to see it. its like waiting for a bathroom stall when you really gotta go. youre like..ready to jump in there and see the wonders of life. lets it get onnnnn!

im also excited for traveling. i mean..its europe. traveling is a must. cant wait to see prague. ive been practicing picture-taking for a couple weeks now. i mean..i suck at it..but ive trained just for these weeks. put me in coach! im definitely excited to travel w friends there too. cant wait til i finish my classes and i hit the road w my 2 close dude friends. i cant wait just to do things and not think. jsut do it. we're young and stupid. lets just do it. i gotta see how long i can go w/o showering in europe. i mean..i might fit right in w the locals =P. but really..i just want to enjoy the blessings this trip. im thankful for friends coming and traveling. we shall make it memorable.

but aside for that..theres just various random things that have my heart unsettled. among all the prague, europe, traveling business..theres still life as we know. just the normal routine aspects of life that always..i mean always always always keep me wrestling w things. i mean..we all deal with it...faith and relationships. two aspects in life that i just encountered and seek after everyday of my life it seems. my faith and my walk this summer have been frustrating. i wish it wasnt..but it has been. constant back and forth wrestling. ups and downs. lefts and rights. just everywhere. my relationships w people and my family...the same haha. wrestle wrestle. and i guess im not sure what to make of my study abroad opportunity. the timing of it seems like its destiny. but once again..theres always two sides of looking at it. one side is..i might be able to find some answers..find some peace with a different scenery. that maybe God is granting this opportunity to rethink some things and find truth and clarity away from the routine of my life. i mean..that sounds awesome. the other side is that its an opportunity for me to run away from it all. to see my struggles and to see my desires and just say.."yall stay in america, im gonna go party in europe." i mean..that kinda sounds awesome too...in a dangerous way haha. so yah..theres definitely a lot of things on my heart and ideally..i would love for europe to be a place where i do find some peace and closure and better insight about my faith and relationships. i mean..i wanna have some fun too..but i definitely dont want to run from these issues. ive cowarded out many times on things that i feel i could have manned up and just done. i hope God presents those opportunities to me so i can just sack up and face the realities of life. i hope to be back in late july w a renewed, refreshed attitude about things and people. get..excited.

ok ive rambled enough. ill leave with my misses and not misses regarding my trip to praha, czechaslsekljkcjelkkmdepublica

things i will miss while in europe:
-my family of course
-some of my friends? =)
-hanging out w them
-american sports
-my cinnamon toast crunch and fruit snack stashes next to my desk
-driving w the windows down and music loud..siigh. i love it
-my desktop...starcraft
-waking up late
-my guitar =/
-data on my iphone
-american women that smell nice
-church/biblical community (i do hope for it there tho)

things i wont miss while in europe
-my fricking hot room
-terrible american radio
-the weather here
-vitamins and vegetables. sorry mom =)

oh and prayers is a must. please pray for me
-safe travel to and fro
-health
-possible cultural shock?
-roommate for the summer
-people in my program. for me to love and be loved. being bold and extending truth
-temptations from european debauchery
-finding biblical community
-safe travels afterwards w buddies
-encouraging attitude regardless the situation
-trusting God w my faith and relationships

i guess thats that. europe..here i come =D

on my mind: relient k - be my escape