See You America

ever since i was small, my parents and i would always say "see you" instead of "goodbye" bc goodbye meant forever in a sense to my rents and see you was temporary. so we'd always catch ourselves and say..oops see you see you see you. like..my rents would say it bout 50 times. thats funny how thats kinda stuck around for my whole life. but yes..."see you" america. i shall miss you the next 2 months.

so i leave the country in 2 days. friday 135 pm to be exact. well...i leave dallas then..then off to chicago..then to london..then to prague. so i guess ill be hitting the atlantic around 8pm or something. anyways..as the days draw near, my anxiety draws greater. like a lot greater. last few days have been super chill at home and ive just been thinking. just sitting. and thinking. and yah..its been a tale of 2 cities. im really nervous and scared but yet im pretty stoked and excited for this opportunity. i havent been on a plane since hs and i think one of my biggest fears is dying in a plane crash so...i really hope that doesnt happen haha. i dont think ill be a big fan of airport crowdedness neither. itll be an experience for sure. its a scary thought to enter a foreign territory. i could research all i want and i could ask as many people for advice, but until im there, ill never be sure what ill experience...so yah..im scared. its like 1st day of kindergarten. when you stand there and your mom is there and all these kids are there. i dont remember if i bolted and gave my mom the peaceout sign or if i stood next to her and clutched onto her leg, but im pretty sure ill give my mom a huge, awesome hug before i depart bc to be honest...theres a lot of craziness that could happen overseas. so in a way, im kinda fearful of my life over there. but i dont want to entertain anymore thoughts of disaster and crazy occurances but..i mean..im a realist. i fantansize bout lots of things, but in the end...im real w it. plus i doubt like its no one's business.

but onward to my excitement. i have longed to see europe ever since middle school i think. i have longed to see the beauty of the european land and its culture and its buildings and its people. i dont think my excitement for that will hit until i touch down in london on saturday. sure london might be very similar to america, but i know prague wont. i mean..i can only say hello in czech. america will be history in my mind. ill have to be a native...asian...czech haha. im sure ill stick out like no other but im gonna try and embrace it. i hope to see myself encouraged to branch out and experience this culture..like try and talk to people there..try to understand their customs there...just be one w them. i really hope im not a debbie downer and a big whiner there. theres always a couple in a group that will become like that and just complain complain complain. please..please dont let it be me. i want to just live life freely and with a blessed heart and take it as it comes. my biggest excitement/fear is my program im going with. theres like 30+ people going..and i know NO ONE. well kinda 1 girl..but when i looked thro all the fb's of the people going (we set up a group..i didnt stalk all of them with my own resources)..every person had her as a mutual friend so she knows like everyone and their moms..and prob their dads. but yah. i know no one. so im really excited to see what God has in store. i might get along w no one. i might get along w a good few...but im praying that God will really show me what it looks like to love people. God's will not mine. i know God will do wonders in His ways. right now..im just anxious to see it. its like waiting for a bathroom stall when you really gotta go. youre like..ready to jump in there and see the wonders of life. lets it get onnnnn!

im also excited for traveling. i mean..its europe. traveling is a must. cant wait to see prague. ive been practicing picture-taking for a couple weeks now. i mean..i suck at it..but ive trained just for these weeks. put me in coach! im definitely excited to travel w friends there too. cant wait til i finish my classes and i hit the road w my 2 close dude friends. i cant wait just to do things and not think. jsut do it. we're young and stupid. lets just do it. i gotta see how long i can go w/o showering in europe. i mean..i might fit right in w the locals =P. but really..i just want to enjoy the blessings this trip. im thankful for friends coming and traveling. we shall make it memorable.

but aside for that..theres just various random things that have my heart unsettled. among all the prague, europe, traveling business..theres still life as we know. just the normal routine aspects of life that always..i mean always always always keep me wrestling w things. i mean..we all deal with it...faith and relationships. two aspects in life that i just encountered and seek after everyday of my life it seems. my faith and my walk this summer have been frustrating. i wish it wasnt..but it has been. constant back and forth wrestling. ups and downs. lefts and rights. just everywhere. my relationships w people and my family...the same haha. wrestle wrestle. and i guess im not sure what to make of my study abroad opportunity. the timing of it seems like its destiny. but once again..theres always two sides of looking at it. one side is..i might be able to find some answers..find some peace with a different scenery. that maybe God is granting this opportunity to rethink some things and find truth and clarity away from the routine of my life. i mean..that sounds awesome. the other side is that its an opportunity for me to run away from it all. to see my struggles and to see my desires and just say.."yall stay in america, im gonna go party in europe." i mean..that kinda sounds awesome too...in a dangerous way haha. so yah..theres definitely a lot of things on my heart and ideally..i would love for europe to be a place where i do find some peace and closure and better insight about my faith and relationships. i mean..i wanna have some fun too..but i definitely dont want to run from these issues. ive cowarded out many times on things that i feel i could have manned up and just done. i hope God presents those opportunities to me so i can just sack up and face the realities of life. i hope to be back in late july w a renewed, refreshed attitude about things and people. get..excited.

ok ive rambled enough. ill leave with my misses and not misses regarding my trip to praha, czechaslsekljkcjelkkmdepublica

things i will miss while in europe:
-my family of course
-some of my friends? =)
-hanging out w them
-american sports
-my cinnamon toast crunch and fruit snack stashes next to my desk
-driving w the windows down and music loud..siigh. i love it
-my desktop...starcraft
-waking up late
-my guitar =/
-data on my iphone
-american women that smell nice
-church/biblical community (i do hope for it there tho)

things i wont miss while in europe
-my fricking hot room
-terrible american radio
-the weather here
-vitamins and vegetables. sorry mom =)

oh and prayers is a must. please pray for me
-safe travel to and fro
-health
-possible cultural shock?
-roommate for the summer
-people in my program. for me to love and be loved. being bold and extending truth
-temptations from european debauchery
-finding biblical community
-safe travels afterwards w buddies
-encouraging attitude regardless the situation
-trusting God w my faith and relationships

i guess thats that. europe..here i come =D

on my mind: relient k - be my escape