30 Before 30

I thank God for the many blessings that I quite frankly don't deserve. I don't have a perfect life in the world's eyes, but God has uniquely created many opportunities for me to see His grandeur and sovereignty. When I turned 25, I started to really see how God has shaped me throughout the years of high school and college. I started really give God thanks for the relationships He put in my life (and kept in my life). It was a great feeling to know that I never made anything happen, but that God made it happen for me. Never did I think I would get so plugged into a campus fellowship. Never did I think I would have a close kit of brothers to share life with. Never did I think I would travel Europe and see God's creation of nature and culture.

When I turned 25, people called me old. Quarter to a century, but who knows how long God will grant me. I do want to make the most of my opportunities. I want to make the most of my "youthfulness", my singleness, my time, my energy, my finances, my relationships, my "freedom", my recklessness, my eagerness, my adventureness, etcness. So I made a bucket list. 30 things to do before 30 yrs old. I don't expect to cross them all off, but it would be cool to be blessed with these opportunities. May I not forget it is God who provides these things, not I. I hope to document them throughout these next 4.5 years. And GO!

1. Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef
2. Hit golf balls off a cliff into the Atlantic Ocean
3. Swim with dolphins
4. Skydive
5. Ride bikes off the coast of Hawaii
6. Run a 10-K
7. Attend a championship for any of 4 major sports (football, basketball, hockey, baseball)
8. ACL Festival
9. Learn a new instrument
10. Camp at the Grand Canyon
11. Go to Vegas post 21 yrs
12. PASSION Conference
13. Get a dog
14. Shoot a rifle
15. Baptize someone
16. See Cirque du Soeil
17. Go to a live musical
18. Go back to Disneyworld
19. Overseas missions
20. Eat Maine lobster
21. Visit 5 US national parks from list (Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Smokies, Yellowstone, Rockies, Acadia, Olympic, Grand Teton, Cuyahoga Valley)
22. Stargaze in an open field
23. Go to an EPL/La Liga/International Soccer game
24. Climb Chichen Itza
25. Go surfing
26. View the Aurora Borealis in Yellowknife, Canada
27. Learn how to read Chinese
28. Buy a new car
29. Buy a house
30. Get married

Cold Shower

May I never forget the night I took the coldest shower ever.

I love when God shows me how His blessings have been abundant in my life. I'll never take hot water for granted. ever. again. ever.

Your blessings are so rich. Thank you.

Doors Open and Doors Close

1 wreck. 6 hours of traffic. Many great truths.

"How can a God who truly loves His creations not be faithful when they are faithful to Him." How can He not?

May I be faithful even when life says otherwise. It can't always go my way. Give thanks and move on. God is still good.

Live, Learn, Abide

It's funny how I graduated college hoping the God would use me to do great things in the corporate world. The corporate world is a tough, tough world. Much of it lies in the money, power, and deceitfulness of personal gain. But I've been encouraged this week as God has used my coworker to shed great truth to me. I thought it would be me sharing truth to others, but God has been bigger than that in using others to share truth with me. It's great to share spiritual encouragement with a fellow brother even if work suffocates us. He shared how many Christians love to profess their faith and trust in God, but stop at that. How we will pray for His sovereignty, but fail to join in the partnership with Him. How we expect things to be placed in our laps, sitting right before us. Rather he encouraged me to not only trust in the Lord and pray earnestly for His sovereignty, but to also be aware of the doors He opens and to pursue righteous things with God in mind. He didn't say it word for word like that, but the message was clear to me. Our God is a God of relationships. He wants us to partake in the joys of the world with Him. When we pray for things, He expects us to join Him in these prayers. Too many times I have earnestly prayed for the future or the many question marks in my life and kinda just sat back and been a spectator. Maybe God wants me to get up and get with it. I see God opening doors and yet sometimes I'm just so insecure to step forward. I use to hate question marks in life. I use to hate myself for being so insecure with trust and loyalty. What's done is done. I'm looking forward to 2013 to be a year to really be led by faith. I cherish my faith, but I need to cherish my actions too. I don't want to be a spectator anymore. I want to take some risks and know that God is with me taking those same risks.

Fear not. Take risks. Abide in Him. In it to win it, baby.

Isaiah 40:31

I am reminded how blessed it is to heard a message that speaks to your heart.

"but those who hope in the Lord


will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

May I be reminded that our God isnt one who is silent, but rather speaks clearly and loudly. Too many times do I just assumed God is making me wait for things. I play into my own insecurities as I drag out things in my head and start to overthink everything...I'm tired of feeling so insecure with myself. So tired of feeling unconfident (as one person told me this past year). Gotta find that mojo. Gotta get back in the game. No more second-guesses. I need to take more risks. But in all of this, I will not stop putting my hope in the Lord. May He guide me with steadfast wisdom and love. May I be empowered by His Spirit. I would love to run and not grow weary. I would love to soar on wings like eagles. I think that'd be pretty darn cool.

I'm excited for these next few months. Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.

thus begins my busy season

i love reading this blog. i love to see how i once thought and how i just jotted it down. i love to think about the happy times i got to experience in europe as well as the tough times where all i had was this seemingly white screen and some keys. it's truly remarkable that it has already been a year and a half since i graduated college. so much has happened, yet there are so many things that i am hoping for in these next years.

im encouraged to read my once daily devotions. its truly a testimony to see how God has encouraged me to read the Scripture more this year. i hate reading. i hate it. but Scripture has been so good to me. nights where i just dont want to pick it up, even the simplest of sentences give me a breathe of fresh air. though i have not written my qts in a while, let me not forget about the wonder books that i got to experience this year. lately, it has been the book of jonah where God called one of his own prophets to love with compassion. oh, jonah. you silly little man. you cannot escape the God of the earth and sea. likewise, i cannot escape him. He will faithfully pursue me and use me for His good just as He did with Jonah. and though jonah's heart was hardened as a man's heart is typically, God revealed that He is a God of all His people. no man's heart will outweigh His own. God serves as a compassionate God. i love that. may i also remember the book of psalm where king david writes his deepest, inner-most feelings towards God. man, i can definitely relate with the psalms. he cries out to God as any human being does, but he is reassured that God hears him. but not only hears, He delivers. and thus, he praises Him all of his days. may that be my anthem too.

as my busy season starts and the nights in a hotel room start to accumulate, i am sad to be away from community, but happy to be in some type of solitude. i do hope my weekends are filled with great community. great laughter. and great fun. but more importantly, i hope my weekdays are filled with great rest. great thinking. and great pursuit of Christ. it would be a pity to throw away this opportunity just bc i feel bored or lonely. i have the rest of my life to be married. with a family. in community. i guess traveling when youre young is something i must embrace. the nights will be lonely. the nights will be pretty boring. but i know i wont go crazy from that. i will be challenged to be disciplined in my sleep schedule, my physical well-being, my emotional emo-ness, and my spiritual fulfillment. honestly, i need this time. i think too much. i need to just think things out and pray. pray pray pray. may i be disciplined these next few months.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

1.Corinthians.9.24-27

Lord, i surrender all the question marks in my life right now. may i be patient with my family. patient with my job. patient with my biblical community. patient with my feelings towards others. be my peace.

10.8.12

I am in awe of the beauty, majestic, and sovereignty of God. There are so many questions I have. So many fears that have kept me from trusting. So many desires that I've wanted. But may I let them all go knowing the that sovereignty of God is steadfast and unwavering. My hope is that 2012 will serve as a reminder that the goodness of God does not lie in my future, but rather in the past. Christ be my hope. Christ be my life.

5.20.12

I hope I suffer for the sake of the Gospel. To live a life that is filled with the riches of this world without knowing the calling of God would be useless and meaningless. May the future me realize that it is not ignorance that makes me so naive to the Gospel, but rather it is the truth of the Gospel that sets me from the ignorance of following blindly. The riches of this world will never satisfy my soul. Never.

Sufficient

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Acts 8:26-40

This passage paints a great picture of what we are called to do as Christians. Not only to follow, but to follow with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. To preach the good news and to baptize all the nations. People seem so content with knowing the truth, but knowing truth and living in the truth separates the men from the boys. The Holy Spirit is alive and well, but we often times just neglect to even call on Him. We think there's this huge endowment process to "receive" and be "equipped" with the Spirit. But I'm pretty sure Jesus said it pretty clearly...when He leaves, the Helper (Spirit) will come. Boom. Blam. Shawham. Done deal.

This passage is beautiful because Phillip trusts the Holy Spirit even as awkward as it might have looked in real life. To just get up and go and to approach a stranger. To ask him what he's doing, pestering him with questions, and then to lead him to Christ. People definitely don't go that route when they share the Gospel. It might not be "ideal" for them, but that's the beauty of when God does work versus when we think we do work. God takes those awkward situations and shows us amazement. When we are faithful, the kingdom is furthered by His doing, not us. And well, the end result is joyous ("...and the eunuch saw him [Phillip] no more, and went on his way rejoicing" (v39)).

May I be awkward for the sake of the Gospel.

Acts 8:1-25

The persecution of the church begins with Saul. Can't wait to read about his transformation. Next passage talks about Simon the Magician. He is in awe of the power of the Holy Spirit and the wonders it performs. He is even willing to pay money for it. He gets rebuked by the Apostles because his heart is influenced not by the Spirit, but by self-righteousness. He only wants the Spirit to show himself off.

How is this not like man today. Once again, I am atonished how similiar we are to these men of Jesus' time. Sure, society and culture nowadays is vastly different. But the heart of man has been the same for as long as when Adam and Eve fell out of Eden. So many times our hearts desire to do good. We grow up seeing "good vs bad" and all that jazz. We go through stages of conviction and hope. We see glimpses of joy and happiness. We desire a lot of things. However, sometimes these desires lead us to a road where we dominate everything (or try to at least). Just like Simon in this passage, he is amazed at the great things being town in his town. People are getting healed and evil spirits are fleeing. It's getting craaaaazy! And he wants that too. But he wants it for show. He's been a show for as long as he knows. And sure..doing good is a plus too. But that's why he gets rebuked. But he wants the glory. But Peter reminds him very sternly that the intent of his heart is wicked. It is self-centered, self-righteousness, self-pleasing. It is not a heart of God.

I want that heart of God. May I be sharpened by the words of the Bible to remind me what a heart of God does not look like.

Acts 7

It's still hard to imagine being a martyr for Christ. Shouldn't we all be for the sake of the Gospel? I guess some could beg to differ, but in Acts 7 we see Stephen, a man full of wisdom and grace. It even says he had a face of an angel (v15). Not sure what that looks like, but I bet it looks good. He's taken before the council because people are once again...jealous. He preaches to the people about the Old Testament and how all the events that led up to this point was God's plan so that He would be glorified as the Creator of everything. Yet the people just go crazy and are enraged (once again) with being called out. They eventually cast him out and stone him to death.

Though it doesn't look quite the same nowadays, the concept is still the same. When truth is spoken to someone hardened with their own self-righteousness, there's not much reception for it. Rather it's jealousy and anger. To them it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, it's offensive so it must be ignored. How silly does that look? Well in retrospective it always does. But when will we have a heart that doesn't see things in retrospect, but in the heat of the moment. I feel that lack of wisdom. I'm so quick to ignore and reject truth. It's truly a sad thing because I waste great moments to show that God is on my heart. Rather it shows the opposite. I can only continue praying that God will mold my heart to resemble His own.

Acts 5:17-42

This passage makes it very evident that man and God are incomparable. When man is "jealous" (v.17) and "enraged" (v.33), they make decisions that true to justify their sins. They throw them into jail so they can keep their pride. Or they want to kill them because other people oppose their views. All too common for the average man. And to think these were there high councilmen of the time, who were very esteemed and highly regarded by the common man. Even they falter easily. But God shows how great He is. He sends the Apostles the Holy Spirit to rescue them. He sends with the Spirit boldness for the Apostles to keep preaching "Life" (v.20) (I like wording). And well..the Apostles don't hesitate because they know God is better (and smarter) than men. They even say it straight up that God is in charge and not man (v.29).

There is even a smart Pharisee sighting in the passage. Typically throughout the Bible the Pharisees are men who know the law, but do not have it. They are the "hypocrites" of the Biblical world. But in this instance, Gamliel is a smart dude. He reasons that whenever man tries to start a revolution, it will fold under. Man will fail because man isn't capable of great things. So he warns that well...if the Apostles teaching is by man alone, it'll fold. BUT if it's God's doing then watch the frick out because you don't want to mess with that. Finally, a man with some sense. Give that man a cookie!

I think we can easily take from Gamliel's insight. Man alone will fail. No doubt about it. Let's not oppose God's plan. If you don't know God's plan, don't guess. Pray about it. Ask for God to reveal it. Don't just make an assumption. Because we all know what happens to people when they assume.

Acts 4:32-37

And they were of "one heart and soul". The new church was of "one heart and soul". I can't even fathom what that might look like. From the days of Adam and Eve, to those at the Tower of Babel, humans have been so uniquely shaped. Different in their walks of life, origins, language, personalities, etc, etc. But when they came together to start the early church, they were of "one heart and soul." That blows my mind that something so powerful like the Holy Spirit could change people so radically. They had everything in common and no one became needy because they had everything. They had their faith, their God, their Savior, and sustenance to survive. Oh how beautiful the early church.

I see the church now. I my own church. I see my own fellowship. And I see the grit and grind of brokenness and unsatisfaction in their faiths, their God, their Savior, and sustenance. The human race has been more broken by each generation...been more jaded by cultural developments...been more focused on themselves. It's so hard to have a body that is of "one heart and soul". But when there is brokenness, there is hope. Is that not the Gospel? Is that not why Jesus had to sacrifice himself for us? If Christ was risen. If the early church was "one heart and soul", then I don't see why not for all nations to proclaim that Jesus is King. I don't. There is hope in this brokenness. There is great hope in this brokenness. God, please give us hearts and souls that are fully devoted and in reverence of you. Dear God, please.

Acts 4:23-31

The world is very similar in how it reacts to the Gospel as the world back in Jesus' days. The rulers of the land, or the "wise" ones, were afraid of change and transformation. They were afraid of what the power of Christ could really bring to the world...so they rejected it. It seems very natural and many couldn't fault that. Many people today couldn't fault that either. Radicals are met headstrong by the conservatives and vice versa. Anything that seems uncomfortable will be met by opposition. But the Apostles were firm in the truth they believed in. Sure, not everyone believes in the same faith, the same God, the same Savior of life. But one thing they did not lack was the desire to boldly proclaim. However that is something the modern Christian movement seems to lack. Or maybe it's just me. I love worshipping the Lord. But, do I move with boldness? Do I carry myself with a Gospel of boldness? No, not really. Maybe it's because I don't pray for it. My heart may long for it, but my soul hasn't been.

Acts 4:1-22

"This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the bulders, which has become the cornerstone. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved." (v11-12).

Amen.

Acts 3:11-26

A great reminder of how God should be given glory. Peter is quickly learning that what is his is not really his. It's a good reminder that what is ours is not really ours to begin with. How foolish of us to think we have the ability to do everything on our own. How foolish of us to think we are the ones that make ourselves succeed. We are but flesh and bones. No way could we design something so intricate as a human body or nature or life's happenings. When we create things, we get things like stick figures and Mr. Potato Head. Pretty sad. So why is it so natural for us to think we do what we do. Oh hubris, hubris..why are you so tantalizing.

I'm glad Peter had a straight head when he preached to the crowd. It's a great encouragement to see people give God the glory, whether it's the big things or the littlest of things. In the end, all things should glorify God. And when that day comes, there will be great joy and great celebration in Christ's return. Peter not only gives God glory, but he spurs us into action. To turn away and to be refreshed by the presence of the Lord. I could definitely go for a refreshment of God. It'd be like a spa treatment..times holiness and awesomeness. I'm pretty sure it'd be amazing. I'm in need of a detox. God, please detox away.

Acts 3:1-10

The lame beggar at the gate of the temple. Everyday he would be carried to the steps of the temple so he could beg for alms. Most likely, people carried him out of pity. Most likely, people gave him things out of pity. Maybe even so that they might be seen as being loving and generous if others say. Makes me think of all the times I feed my pride when I try to love others. It's pretty pathetic the more I think about it as I sit here. I love the times when God challenges me to do things without thinking. The situations that happen out of nowhere so I might see where my heart is it. At times, I do things with a good heart. At other times, I just ignore things and have to reflect on how indifferent my heart was. Dealing with the poor has definitely been something that has tugged on my heart these last years. Being in a college city filled with the impoverish, you have to deal with it. It has to affect you. You'd be a fool to just walk by the homeless, ignore the homeless, not even consider the homeless. I don't care if they were crazy looking, crazy talking, crazy acting. There is definitely a brokenness in the homeless and lame. There's a void. There's a gap. There's a need. And you read in Acts 3 where this man who has been lame his whole life. He only knows how to do one thing in life...beg infront of the temple. Nothing more. Nothing less. His joy is other people's pity. As sad as that is...that's something more than nothing, right? And I love what Peter and John have to offer. "I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you." The lame man is anticipating their pity of silver or gold, but they offer something even greater. Something that's life changing. What a greater joy than all the joys the man has ever gotten. His reaction is priceless too. He leaped up and joined them in the temple, leaping and praising God. That's someone who knows how to celebrate something life-changing. So how then do we respond to life-changing joy? Because..let's be real with it..we are just like the lame begger. We might not be physically lame, but there's definitely voids we have in our hearts and minds. There's definitely gaps that we try to fill with material things, temporary happiness, mindless work, etc. When will be satisfied by more than these things? But more importantly, how will we respond when we find that overwhelming joy? I'd like to think im a leaper and praiser. But maybe it's more like a little hop and skip. I want to be that crazy guy leaping all about it. But the Bible is pretty clear..if you aren't leaping and praising God from this life-changing joy, then you haven't experienced it yet.

Acts 2:42-47

The church model at its finest. Acts 2:42 is a verse used a lot to describe what fellowship and community looks like. It paints a great picture of what a body of believers can achieve when their hearts are set for things above. They come together everyday, day after day. They don't care for their possessions or money or really themselves. They live for God and they live for their fellow brothers and sister. They receive what they get with "glad and generous" hearts. Something that modern-day society lacks. We are selfish in what we have and we are greedy in what we don't have. We believe everything is deserved and we are never satisfied. But the Acts community is glad. They are more than content. And even more, they are generous. That means they give freely and willingly. This pleases God. How could it not. Harmonious living done the right way. "And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved." It's a beautiful thing. Who wouldn't want to live in a community like that? Modern day Americans. Let's not conform to that culture. Let's be a revolution of Acts 2:42.

Acts 2:14-41

This passage is Peter's sermon at Pentecost. It's his encouragement to his fellow apostle brothers to have hope and be steadfast to the faith of knowing who Jesus is because everything that was prophesied before their time has been true. So he speaks of the past, present, and future and invites the Spirit to be with them as they journey forth.

Man, I think it'd be cool to meet Peter and just listen to his testimony. A man that once denied Jesus on many occasions, yet a brother who was amped for the Gospel. How opposite of stances to have, yet he was a man just like many men today. I see myself denying Christ so many times. Stubborn to my own ways. Stubborn in succumbing to life's tempting pleasures. To think of it...I'm probably consistently denying Christ in my walk. Yet, I call myself a firm believer. I think one of the scariest things is the fraud in me. When I read in verse 19-21 where it talks about Jesus returning and how they'll be blood, fire, and vapor of smoke...or how the sun will be turned into darkness and only those who call on the Lord shall be saved....I wonder how my heart will be. Will I be so foolish in denial or will I be charged to follow?

This journey has been tough. This journey will continue to be tough. But what if we got a better glimpse like King David? It says in verse 26-28 "therefore my heart was glad (when he saw the Lord), and my tongue rejoiced; my flesh also will dwell in hope. For you will not abandon my soul to Hades, or let your Holy One see corruption. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will make me full of gladness with your presence." I'm desperately wanting that to be my psalm. May my heart be glad and may my tongue rejoice. May God's presence be my full gladness.

Acts 2:1-13

The Holy Spirit has arrived! The Trinity has been fulfilled, and the Church is born. I love verse 5 where it says "now there were dwelling in Jerusalem Jews, devout men from every nation under heaven." One day, every tongue will confess He is God. One day, every knee shall bow. One day, all of the nations will be united. What great hope it is that when the Spirit came down, each one of them heard of the mighty works of God in their own tongue. They were in tune with the same Spirit. They all recognized the mighty works of God. That paints a great picture of hope. I know it seems far from it now. The world is a broken world. The people are a broken people. But if there are stories of the near impossible each and every day, what makes this hope so farfetched? The Apostles prayed and patiently waited for the Spirit. And God delivered. Maybe it's time we took a page out of their playbook.

Acts 1:12-26

"And when they entered, they went up to the upper room...All these with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer..." How fitting that the passage of the early church starts with something that resonates so close to my life right now. With all the trials and struggles of this life, community has never ceased to encourage and sharpen my life towards walking obediently with God. In this passage the Apostles are gathered together in the "upper room" to pray for the Spirit to lead them in filling Judas' once apostleship role. They stayed there fervently praying for God to reveal Himself so that they might start building the church. What would that look like in my community at church? We call ourselves "Upper Room" for reasons I never knew til now. Maybe it's the "upper room" of Jesus' Last Supper. Most likely..yeah, that's what the idea might have been geared towards initially. But when I read these verses, I clearly fixated on how they all gathered in hopes of the Holy Spirit to reveal itself. Too many times we just ask for the Spirit in a rush of hope. But how many times will we be obedient and patiently wait for the Spirit to come? I hope that's what my community will look one day. May it be a community where we would gather and just pray for the Spirit to lead and that God would reveal his guidance to us. We're all in different spiritual places right now. Shoot...there's almost a decade in gap between some of our members. But as we grow together, I hope we can really see that our gathering is more than a gathering. It's for an anticipation. An anticipation of direction and a charge to move forth and to build a church, just like what happened to the 12 Apostles in Acts. May that be our prayer and hope.

Acts 1:1-11

I've decided to start the book of Acts. It's about the early Church after Jesus ascends up to Heaven. I think right now God has been starting to move in the community of believers to take hold the opportunity to further the kingdom in His church. So it'd definitely be fitting to see how the Apostles really engage this task of building the Church.

This passage deals with the affirmation of the Holy Trinity. Throughout most of the Gospels, the writers explicitly speak of the Father and the Son and their relationship. How the Father knows the Son completely and how to know the Father was through the Son. Now comes the last musketeer, the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit makes me think of a closer, someone who comes and seals the deal. A closer is someone will an effective punch to reinforce everything that was done before him. I think many times people forget about the Holy Spirit when it comes to our faith and supreme power of God. Maybe it's hard to imagine a "spirit?" Maybe it's because the accounts of the Spirit aren't wham-blam-in-your-face like Jesus? Or simply...maybe people just don't recognize the Trinity has 3-in-1? I think as this year has progressed, I've definitely seen myself asking for the Spirit to lead. Do I know what that really looks like...well...no. But does that mean I don't yearn and long for it everyday? Well, course it doesn't. Jesus reinforces that we will "receive the power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you..." I've definitely neglected what that power could look like. It could be something simple like a 1-on-1 conversation to something moving within me of a conviction or a prayer. But just as I believe in the all-knowing, powerful Creator, God, and His Son, Jesus, I do know that the Holy Spirit impacts and moves me in a way where I'm left speechless. When I recount powerful moments of thoughts and actions where I just end up shaking my head and wondering..."where did that come from?" How I'm starting to realize that it was not me who moved, but it was something supernatural. Skeptics will always be skeptics, but one who lives by faith will always have a hope to pursue.

it's hard to write words of encouragement to those you love when deep down inside there is a lot of pain that doubts those very words.

im praying for hope.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Mark 16

I think chapter 16 epitomizes how Jesus transforms us into God's calling. Now when you start to read it, you're like..oh yeah I've read this before...this is Jesus resurrecting from the dead. And do not get me wrong. There is much beauty and amazement in my mind about Jesus' resurrection. It defines what salvation stands for...that the dead will rise and have new life in Jesus Christ. Without the resurrection, there would be no atonement for our sins. The sins that were nailed to the cross must be washed cleaned and given new breathe and Jesus did that for us. But as I read some of the details from Mark, I noticed things that never really stuck on my mind about the whole resurrection story.

All throughout the Gospels when Jesus performs miracles, He will tell the healed and saved to go about their ways and not tell anyone. Well of course the people cannot contain their joy and excitement and do quite the opposite, right? But in this case, Mary (x2) are just stunned..."afraid" as the passage says...about Jesus not being there and being risen again. Now this whole time where Jesus is like 'I must die. I must rise', people are like okay..? cool Jesus..? But when it actually happens as He foretells, Mary (x2) are just like..stoned faced. There isn't a rejoicing effect. Maybe they were rejoicing in the inside, I don't know. And when Jesus comes across the His very own disciples, he has to rebuke them because they too don't believe the rumors that Jesus had risen. His very own disciples of all people, who followed and learned from Him. How is that possible?! The scripture says it very clearly. Their hearts were hardened (v14). Their hearts were too wrapped up in themselves, they couldn't respond clearly. It wasn't until Jesus commands them to go out with a little direction and encouragement do the people respond in a way that pleases the Lord.

We are those people. We are those who try and follow, who try and learn, who try and replicate. However, we often find ourselves wrapped up in ourselves, wrapped up in the world, wrapped up in idols. This hardens our heart. It hinders our walk and connection with God. We need to invite the Spirit to be like Christ to His disciples. We need to invite the Spirit to give us direction and encouragement. I need to invite the Spirit to give me direction and encouragement. I am lost without the Spirit. I am lost when I put these idols before the Spirit. May my heart be soften by this beauty of this resurrection, by the beauty of new life, by the beauty of God's love for me.

Mark 15

Death has been a subject that I've always had a hard time relating with. I've never really had a death hit home to me (knock on wood), but that doesn't necessarily mean I count myself lucky. I think I've just been indifferent to it all because I've been blessed with life day after day. I read tragic stories everyday about death and know people who've been through the toughest days bc of deaths in their families. I can feel the brokenness in those situations, but when I think of my life, I rarely feel the need to cherish the lives around me. That's a sad story.

Chapter 15 is all about Jesus' death. From the time is taken away, to being sentenced to crucifixion by the people, to the mocking and lashing brutality, to his last breath here on Earth. A death that seems so over the top, extreme, cruel, and unjustified...but a death that was necessary for God's plan. It's sad to realize that the parallel to it all is that we (you and I) were those people taking him away, yelling for his crucifixion, spitting on him, mocking him, lashing him. We put Him on that cross because we knew nothing, but to accuse someone who was just trying to speak truth. And two centuries later, we still struggle with these issues as a mankind. Christian or not, we are men and women who fail to see past our own thinking. We rationalize, investigate, and dictate what is "truth" and what is "good" bc we are man. We rule this world, right? Well..of course not. Our own thinking is that in itself...just thinking. When we are captivated by other people, circumstances, and supernatural wonders, we commonly just sit and think about it. And leave it at that. Verse 39 paints an image that is so far removed from our thinking, we would almost laugh at someone if it happened next to you. "And when the centurion, who stood facing him, saw that in this way he breathed his last, he said 'Truly this man was the Son of God!' " Not much thinking going on there. Just conviction and proclamation. He saw and he believed. He was so captivated by what he believed to be truth and he let himself go from rationalizing and second-guessing bc it was THAT convicting.

I hope the world can be captivated like the centurion. Granted the world is so broken right now (in all aspects of life) that hope is very tough to materialize. But if we truly believe that God's plan is uncontainable, then one day all the nations will proclaim and all the nations will bow with conviction that the truth of Christ Jesus reigns supreme.

Mark 13-14

The weekends are always so busy with ministry that I forget to crack the Bible. Praise the Lord for a restful Saturday in the Scripture. Chapters 13 and 14 are leading to Jesus' death on the cross. Once again I am amazed at how the Scriptures show the character of Jesus then and now and the people then and now. Through this whole time, Jesus is instructing and steadfast in God's will. Even when he's under the pressure and wants to alleviate the inevitable, He remembers that God is in control of the situation. And then you have the people around him...his disciples and the accusers. These characters just show me how flawed our hearts are and that even when we try the hardest to be faithful to God, we cannot stay firm to our faith by ourselves. The story of Peter is always a good example. I don't doubt that this guy loved Jesus. He was ready to fight for Jesus when Jesus was arrested in Gethsemane. And if they fought him, he would have certainly died. So he definitely was going to die for his belief in Jesus. But then on the flipside after Jesus is arrested, he quickly lets the fear of it change his heart. Jesus even told him that he would deny Jesus three times. And well...of course Peter denies knowning Jesus. And well..that's just human. That's me on a constant basis. I want to fight for Jesus and alongside him. Sword in hand, ready to take on the world. But then there's times where the Spirit is tugging on my heart and yet I just brush it off and keep doing what I'm doing. And well...before you know it, I'm at Ch 14 verse 72 where Peter reminds everything that Jesus said about him and just sits down and wepts. We are too often wepters of our inabilities to be faithful in Christ. But I hope that I remember that Christ loves to wept with me. That Christ holds nothing against me and my inadequacies. But rather He fills those voids and raises me up to be a child of God. Lest me now forget that.

Mark 12:35-44

What makes us so different from the scribes, and Pharisees, and high priests, etc etc? How are we not frauds to it all? Everytime I read about them...yeah I can see how the heart is deceitful and powerful of great lies to their faith. Then I look at my life and see the same thing. So what makes me any worse than them? I wish my intentions were pure all the time. I wish I had a gentleness that reflects Christ love. But...at times I really don't. I am a fool for the normalities of this world where it's okay to do this or feel that. I read passages like loving God and loving people and yet I think about God and hate people (especially yesterday). So when I read how the scribes walk around with long robes and have the best seats in the synagogues, I see myself with the robe and sitting in the pew. Christ makes it clear that those people will receive "greater condemnation." If normal condemnation wasn't bad enough...it'll be greater. I do not want to be apart of that. But Christ gives hope. There is hope in Christ and to God's plan. He goes on to talk about the widow's offering and how she gives everything she had, all she had to live on. And maybe Jesus doesn't directly say it here, there are passages that allude that this widow will receive even greater riches in Heaven. Hundredfolds! I want to invest in that. I don't want to invest in greater condemnation...no way. I can only pray that God will give me a heart to steward my possessions better and to live a life that is more fruitful with a pure faith. The world is so fleeting, but it is attractive. I hope I can fixate my eyes to something more grand.

Mark 12:12-34

Lot of things going on in this passage. I wanted to touch on Jesus responding to someone asking Him what the greatest commandment is. The funny thing about man is that we want absolute answers. We don't want the nonsense inbetween...we just want the answer straight. So of course someone would ask Jesus what is the greatest (aka most important one I should follow if anything) commandment of all time. Well Jesus is pretty frank and says you gotta love the Lord with your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Wow..that's pretty much any intangible spirit you have as a person. He goes on to say then love your neighbor as yourself. I definitely can nod my head to that. I've heard that before..love God, love people (LGLP). But what I never heard was the guy's response to it. He goes, "You are right, Teacher. You have truly said that he is one, and there is no other besides him. And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one's neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices" (v33). Much more than ALL whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. Man...to think of all the great riches and purest things we could possible imagine to sacrifice...is still not as great as loving God and loving your neighbor as yourself. That takes LGLP to a higher level. And after a day where I felt frustrated and cursed the people I work with...makes me feel like trash when I attempt to call myself a lover of God. Because you cannot love God if you cannot love your neighbor. Hm...food for thought.

Mark 12:1-12

The parable of the tenants. I've read this story a few times, but it hasn't been a memorable one so reading it tonight was a nice realization to who God is and who man is. At first read, I wasn't sure how the parable was going to end so when I read how the people would beat and kill the servants who were sent, I was taken aback. Then when the owner sent his beloved son, they disrespected and murdered him not the reason like the ones sent before him, but so they could take his inheritance. And thus the connection was made. Of course we are the tenants. We live off the land that is not ours. We did not create it, we do not own it, we really don't even deserve it. Yet for some reason, we feel like we have this ownership and authority to rule over it. I think that can mean a lot of things in life: family, friends, house, money, jobs, breathe of life..I dunno...anything and everything. I'm glad Jesus used parables to teach the people. Its nice to establish a connection with something meaningful than have someone shove something down your throat. I guess that's why we are preaching towards building a meaningful relationship with someone first than just reciting the Gospel. As I continue to wrestle with what the Gospel looks like in my life, I am thankful that the Word of God continually shows me good examples of how to be like Christ. I do hope I can be more consistent with living with a repentant and convicted heart. I need to remember how not to be a tenant of the vineyard, but rather a servant to the Master.

Mark 11:27-33

Another day, another great lesson from God. It's always good to reflect on foundation of your beliefs. It's always good to wrestle with the underlining identity to what you believe in. I thank the Lord for tonight's discussion on faith. I've always just accepted it and rarely do I sit and just think about why my faith is so real. Or what makes my faith who I am. Sounds counter intuitive to someone who calls himself a Christian, right? Well yeah..right. But I'm glad I got to really hear how other people's faith shapes who they are. It gave me a greater appreciation of just how complex God made this world and how intricate each person's mind really is. Faith looks different for a lot of people. To me, it's knowing that God will prevail. It's knowing that there is a God and a God who does love this world and the people he created. However screwed up this world is and how much "evidence" that God couldn't possibly exist or what not...well I have faith that there will be a day where I can share in the same joy Jesus does when he worships the Father in Heaven. That sounds pretty great to me. That is something that I look forward too. That faith drives me to desire God. That faith helps shape how I think and how I encourage others. It's not by seeing...it's by believing that something so unreal can be so real. Now that's unreal. I don't know if this passage has anything to do with faith...well I'm sure it doesn't, but my heart was on this matter so I couldn't waste a chance to share. The passage does show a pretty cool-guy aspect of Christ. Christ knew His calling. He was obedient to it and wanted everyone to know. But you know how I know Jesus was a cool guy? Bc he's like the smart teacher at school who doesn't just give you the shortcuts and answers to the problems. He drops hints and reminders so you discover the true beauty of knowledge and wisdom. And then you're able to recognize that that teacher actually taught you something. Jesus didn't need to tell all the high priests and scribes what every little thing in life was, or who gave him authority, etc, etc. He invited them along for the ride so they could experience the beauty of truth and redemption. Yeah, that's the kind of guy I'd like to follow.

Mark 11:12-26

Recent weeks have been a struggle of highs and lows. I think tonight was one of those low nights...feeling just meh and out of it as I struggle with my sinful desires. But I thank God that I was able to get away from slothfulness and turn to the Word. And well..He spoke...and spoke pretty clear.

Jesus is traveling and comes across a fig tree that is not producing fruit so He curses it. Seems kinda trivial but of course, there's something deeper. Gotta be, right? He goes on to clear the temples from people who are doing business instead of worship there. Next thing you know, the group comes back to the fig tree that has withered. At first I just assumed...well the tree wasn't producing fruit so it had to die. I guess that's me..who should be producing fruit or letting God produce the fruit through me. And if I don't, then I deserve death? I wasn't too sure and wasn't really getting much until I researched. Came across a site that reference the unproductive fig tree to Luke 13:1-8 where Jesus tells a parable of a fig tree that's been tended to for years and yet does not produce. The vineyard keeper is like "wait 1 more year. I PROMISE!" and then I read the little subtitle..."repent or perish". Well there it is...how clear it is now. I am that fig tree. Yes I got that right. But it's not really producing fruit as in making disciples per se...it's producing fruit as in...repent of your sin so that you might even be seen as a fig tree capable of producing fruit. A fitting end to a night where I just feel all my inadequacies lining up. How can I stop making promises to God and start making strides to Him instead? I don't want to be the one that makes these excuses each year to start being ripe for the Gospel. I need to stop being a fraud.

Mark 10:46-11:11

I take a lot of things for granted. We all do. It's quite a sad fact of life. Everyone will admit it (and those who don't are just foolish). But what if...we lost it all. The physical blessings that we have. Any of the 5 senses. Anything that didn't make us normal. Then we would have faith like those found in the Bible? These people were outcasts. They were ridiculed, rebuked, looked down upon just bc they weren't normal. What else were they to do but to have faith in the man who performs miracles. Praise the Father for sending His Son. Praise the Son for reconciling man from their brokenness. It shouldn't take a man without sight to believe there is a Savior. But maybe for some of us it does. Though I am blessed with the gift of sight, Father please let me have the faith of one without.

Mark 10:32-39

This one hits home a little bit. First Jesus foretells his death a third time (v 32-34). Seems simple enough until he describes how it happens. Mocking. Spitting. Flogging. I think about some of the most disrespectful and obscene things that could happen to anyone. And the sad thing is that these people that do this...are just like me and you. A pity for me to think that I want to love this Jesus guy so much, yet I am the one who mocks his teaching, spits on him with doubt, and flog him when I am angry at him. Sad truth is truth nonetheless. I hope that I can better realize the pain I cause for my Savior and to repent from my mocking, spitting, and flogging. Let that be my prayer.

2nd part is what breaks me. James and John want to be at the right and left hand of Jesus to bask in His glory. Jesus asks a simple question.."are you able to drink the cup that I drink or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized." He goes on to talk about how God is that one that prepares these things. God is one who will call us to be with Him in glory. We are mere humans. We don't reserve that spot. He does. It's a pity to look back 5 years ago when I got baptized. A time where I needed God the most. A time where I really believed that my proclamation would be life-changing. It has no doubt..but I still see the same me and it saddens me. A proclamation is no good if it is short-lived. I don't want the rest of my life to be just a relapse of judgment and faith. May the Spirit propel me to a renewed faith, a serious one where Jesus is more than sufficient. Please be my everything.

Mark 10:17-31

Story bout the man with tons of wealth asking Jesus what he needs to do to inherit eternal life. Jesus knows that this man has done a lot that exemplify being a believer in God (following the commandments and such). Yet, Jesus also knows his heart loves money and it's an idol he can't give up. The man actually goes away sad bc he knows deep down inside that he couldn't give up this money for Christ. I think many see this story and kinda shake their heads bc the man seems so foolish about loving his possessions more than the God in flesh, Jesus Christ. I know I was shaking my head. But the more I think about it...it's pretty evident that I am that guy. And it might not be money or any type of material possession. It is easily things my heart longs after: pride, self-righteousness, lustful desires. These things have definitely been a struggle and held my heart captive many times in my life which make me walk around from Christ sadden. But it is reassuring that Jesus doesn't just leave it at that and go about His day. He actually goes and teaches His disciples that when man tries to do things, he is unable to. Rather God is able to. He goes on to promise that when we abandon these things for the sake of Jesus, there will be even greater riches we will receive. "Hundredfold." Take the most precious gift of life and multiply it by 100. That's a lot of preciousness. But Jesus makes another point very clear. There will be persecution (v30) so it won't be an easy journey. I have to keep reminding myself that. The journey is long and very tough. It will not be smooth. It will not be ideal. And it will be impossible if I depend on myself.

Mark 10:1-16

Jesus handles a question about divorce. Kinda outta left field, but well..Jesus is up to it of course. Jesus states it pretty clear that divorce is man-made and made from the deceit of man's heart. Actually he even says that it's from the "hardness" of the heart (v5) that man made this get-out-of-marriage certificate. But rather, just as God intended in the beginning that male and female should be one, Jesus reiterates that and says that "let not man separate". Kinda sad what society has made out of man-made laws and just from the stubbornness of our own hearts, we get what we want whenever we want. People consume this kind of culture bc it feels good and it feels right. Oh how mistaken we have become. We are so jaded in our own selves that we fail to realize God's commands. God lays it out pretty clearly in the beginning. And His hope was meant to just last some time...it was meant to last forever til the end of time (which never really ends..thats the kicker). So then how can I strive to stay faithful to God's command? First, I need to stay faithful to God. To desire Him. Pursue Him. To love Him and to receive His love and mercy. I know it sounds all Sunday Schoolish..but well, that's what I really need. I need to read more and ask for a heart like Jesus (go big or go home). And when I marry...well then I need to not only love someone, but to love with someone so we become one. To be one in loving God. To be one in loving others. Wow...seems like a tall task. But my prayer is that as God continues to mold me, He will show me how to do that. May my heart not be hardened to the ways of man, but may it be compelled to grasp the beauty and grace of a Father's love. I need to be like a child of God. To trust Him in everything and to be faithful that my Father will provide. (That's what Jesus pretty much says in v13-16). Santa got nothing on Jesus.

Mark 9:30-50

A couple of topics Jesus talks about with his disciples. First, that when we do things in Jesus' name, it should be done in faith. And when we do things in good faith, Jesus says we are for Him and not against Him. That being said...I think it's tough for me to do things in good faith or even mediocre faith. My pride gets in the way. Self-righteousness. Self-glorification. Just all the human natures of me. I hope as I continue to learn more about Jesus and His heart, then my heart will be transformed.

2nd point was about the temptations of sins and what it does. Jesus goes through a few figures (or literals maybe?) of examples of well if you hand/eye/etc causes you to stumble, then get rid of it bc it's better you're missing something while entering heaven then having a whole body entering hell. In the NASB version, they repeat "the worms won't die, and the fire is not quenched." I had to look that up and it brings a vivid imagine of Jesus' teaching.

I'll just copy/paste from a website...

The margins of some Bibles show that the words "hell fire" in Mark 9:47 should be translated "Gehenna fire." Gehenna, or the valley of Hinnom, is located outside Jerusalem. Trash, refuse, animal carcasses, and even the dead bodies of despised criminals were thrown there to be destroyed by the fires that burned perpetually on the valley floor. If some animal or vegetable matter fell on one of the ledges below the rim, escaping the fire, it would instead be devoured by maggots.

Jesus' point is that whatever was thrown into the valley never came out again; it was totally consumed, either by fire or by worms or maggots. In other words, just as nothing and no one exterminated the maggots or extinguished the flames in the valley of Gehenna, so there will be no escape from the certain fate that God has decreed for all unrepentant sinners—death in the "lake of fire" (Revelation 22:14).

credits: http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/BQA/k/67/What-Does-Jesus-Mean-by-Their-Worm-Does-Not-Die-Mark-944-46-48.htm#ixzz1jsSjIE4c

Pretty freaking crazy.

Mark 9:30-37

Short passage today, but nonetheless good and thought-provoking. The disciples argue who is the greatest (among themselves) and Jesus says" if anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all." I've heard this plenty of times...he who is first must also be last. I don't think I've really thought much of it besides..well just be accommodating to everyone else before you help yourself. I can do that. Serve first, eat later. Open the door, enter later. Be willing to get the lesser good "pieces" of whatever. But after reading this, I thought to myself...maybe Jesus is talking about the kingdom of God. If you want to enter, you better make sure everyone else enters before you. And that makes perfect sense, but here's the kicker...if I really want to be in heaven with the Father and enjoy the joy of worship and His glory, then EVERYONE has to be invited. So am I inviting everyone? Am I telling them there's a big party in Heaven and EVERYONE is invited? I don't think so. We think evangelizing is for the lost and broken and beaten off the path. They are..no doubt. But the invitation is for EVERYONE. One day, all the nations will bow and one day, all tongues will confess Jesus is Lord. Until that day...why am I waiting around. I gotta start inviting people to the party.

Mark 9:2-29

Jesus transfigures himself in front of Peter, James, and John. Now I don't know what transfigures means..but I can only think of the Power Rangers (sadly...). But I guess that's still a sight to see. To see something that's kinda raggedy, maybe bruised and tired turn into something like WHAM BAM CLEAN PURE. The scripture (ESV) says "intensely white, as no one on earth could bleach them." I imagine Oxyclean over and over again and still can't compare. It just shows how radiant Jesus is and He promises that same whiteness when our sins are deemed clean and forgiven. I'm not sure what heaven will look like or what we'll even look like, but I know it's gonna be bright as no other. Pretty cool.

Jesus also heals a boy stricken w a demon because the boy's father has great faith in Jesus' ability. I like the end when the disciples are like...what..why couldn't we do that. And Jesus responds with "this kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer." I think that's a pretty clear, direct answer to how we should deal with our problems and miracle-beggings. Pray. Pray with passion. Pray with faith.

2.Corinthians.5.17

2012: Desiring God

Man, it's been more than a year since my last blog. I miss the days where I had time just to express my thoughts and experiences. It's a sad thing once you graduate and start to work...there seems to be no time for anything. But alas, here we are in 2012. A new year, a new start. I praise the Almighty God for bringing me this far in life. He is a kind, just, loving God who has provided a lot of joys and sufferings that I never really counted in 2011, so I don't want to make that mistake this year.

This blog will be decided this year to my daily devotions. Nothing fancy. Nothing elaborate. Just my thoughts on what I read each day (hopefully daily). The goal is not to express thought-provoking or insightful. The goal is to build a habit to read and to jot down whatever the Spirit compels. Since I've struggled the last 23 1/2 yrs of reading the Bible, I'll try this and see if it works. I'll start with reading for 5-10 mins and then write for 5-10 mins. Once the time is up, it's up. I hope to increase the time each month and hopefully I'll read for hours without wanting to stop. My desire for the year is to pursue God with all my heart, to build habits that make me yearn for wisdom and truth, and to ultimately equip myself better to share the Gospel. Time is a precious thing. I hope I do not waste my time here on Earth on myself. May God be glorified each and every day. Amen.

Mark 8:31-9:1

A good reminder that many times man just thinks about man. Makes sense to me since we are man, but at the same time, we shouldn't be satisfied to think as man. If I'm striving to know Christ and be like Christ...then I should think like Christ. I like how Jesus rebukes Peter saying he doesn't have in mind the concerns of God but merely humans (v33). Makes me wonder what my real concerns are. Are they only for man? Or for God? I do concern about work, relationships, day-to-day stuff...I guess that's pretty worldly. I guess I only think about God's concerns on the weekends when I'm in fellowship with a biblical community. That's pretty sad. I hope I can desire more time during the weekdays.

"What good is it for you to gain the whole, world, yet forfeit your soul? Or what can you give in exchange for your soul."